


Any time

by lavendermilktea



Category: Deltarune (Video Game)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Nightmares, Self-Harm, Self-Indulgent, like before susie and noelle were dating??? but obv flirting, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-08-24 16:36:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16643816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavendermilktea/pseuds/lavendermilktea
Summary: Noelle and Susie stay up late to work on a project. When Susie falls asleep, Noelle decides it's time for her to get some rest too. However, how can you get a nice restful sleep when you have a dream reminding you of all the things you want to forget?





	Any time

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING : There are mentions and descriptions of self harm in this fic. This may be triggering / uncomfortable for you, please proceed with caution.
> 
> As someone who is recovering from self-harm, I know this isn't everyone's end all be all way of processing, healing and coping with self-harm. I am writing this more as a self-indulgent / self-projection fic, so I'm sorry if this offends you or harms you in any way, those aren't my intentions at all.

It had been a late night for Noelle.

Susie and Noelle had stayed up to work on a team project at Noelle’s house. Since it had gotten so late, Noelle offered Susie her bed to sleep on since Susie lived a ways from her house. They hadn’t gotten much work done, but when Noelle heard Susie’s chatter become calm, heavy breathing, she knew Susie had fallen asleep. Noelle took it upon herself to stay up and finish the rest of the work, and she was quite proud of what she had managed to accomplish - not to mention that Susie was in her room!

Noelle wiggled under a pile of blankets, scarves, fleece jackets, and other soft things she could find to sleep on for the night. She smiled as she buried her head into a pillow, allowing herself to finally drift off after the busy days events. 

Her legs were cold against the bathroom floor. Her throat felt like it was clogged - she wasn’t able to speak or make any coherent sentence as tears stained her freckled cheeks. She didn’t know why or how she had gotten to this state - covering her internalized thoughts, feelings, emotions and actions with a long sleeved sweater and a smile. Her arms were raw, another tear sliding over her cheek as she slid a small blade over her arm. She felt calm, soothed, by this action - she felt sick that she felt this way. Her hand clenched, the tensing of muscle making the bright red pour out of the wound she just inflicted on herself. Realizing what she did, she broke down again into broken sobs, trying to be quiet enough so her parents wouldn’t hear, but loud enough so she could control her breathing and hopefully not pass out.  
“Tchh-” She inhaled sharply through her teeth as she allowed herself to run the blade over herself again and again and again. The more she did it, the louder and more erratic her cries were. She hiccuped, this motion making her fingers fumble, the blade going even deeper than usual. She was already quite hurt at this point, but this cut began bleeding right away. She had seen herself bleed many times, but this time was different. She knew she was in a dangerous situation.  
“N-No-” She cried out, fumbling with toilet paper as the blood dripped onto the ground.  
“N-Nngh, no, no-!” 

 

“Noelle?”

“Don’t-” She thrashed around, feeling dissociative. She could feel herself losing consciousness,hands on her shoulders squeezing tightly, shaking her.

“Noelle! Noelle!”

A particularly rough shake jolted Noelle awake. Her eyes were puffy from crying in her sleep, her heart racing. She hadn’t done something like that since middle school. She realized that because her legs and arms were exposed and cold from not sleeping in her bed that her subconscious probably made the link to that event in the past. She was brought back to attention at the big, warm hands on her body. 

“Noelle! Wh...What the hell!”  
Susie was trembling. Susie, of all people, was trembling. Noelle noticed that she was covering her old scars, a habit she got into doing if she was nervous and didn’t have adequate clothing to cover them. Susie gently took Noelle’s hand, removing her hand from her arm. Despite Noelle’s arms being hairier than the average person, the large, puffy white scars were evident. Obviously healed over from years ago, but still a sign of turbulent times Noelle had been through. Susie’s eyes widened, inhaling sharply through her teeth. She stayed silent as she stood up, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Fuck. 

Noelle was convinced Susie thought she was disgusting. She was the cookie-cutter perfect daughter and student - hard working, never complained, was always well groomed and always had an answer for anything that came her way. She felt vulnerable, she felt like silly, she felt like a fool. She covered her face, crying quietly into her hands. 

“N-Noelle…” Susie gently pat the bed, Noelle peeking up at her, making her way slowly over to her. Noelle felt like her legs weighed hundreds of pounds, she felt like every wound she had inflicted on herself was opening up again. Of all times to have a bad dream, why was it now, why was it when Susie was present? Noelle hiccuped quietly, gasping quietly as she felt Susie’s warm arm wrap around her shoulder, bringing her into a warm, tight hug. They stayed like that, Noelle beginning to cry harder against Susie’s chest, allowing her hands to clench Susie’s shirt.  
Susie felt a bit awkward - not because of Noelle, but because she was worried her presence was putting Noelle in this state. She was “bad”, right? She was rude, mean, and nobody liked her. Right? She pushed those thoughts out of her head for the time being. Focus on Noelle.  
Susie ran her hand over her head, running her fingers through Noelle’s hair. It looked like gold that had been spun - it brought a great deal of comfort to Susie. 

“...Noelle. Uh, I...I don’t know if this...will make you feel better, or…” 

Noelle looked up at Susie, her face flushed from a mix of crying and embarrassment. She looked down to see Susie pointing at her thighs, rolling up her T-shirt, showing Noelle her shoulders. When you looked close, you could see multiple white scars covering those easy to cover spots. Noelle wiped her eyes, holding Susie’s hands. Her heart was racing. 

“...I…” 

Noelle had thought that this was a thing only she did. She had felt shame for her unhealthy coping mechanisms, and of all people, of Susie to have been through similar coping mechanisms - she was shocked. It wasn’t a healthy thing to do of course, and the way she had seen such a heavy topic by treated by shows on TV had always upset her. No one understood what it was like unless they had been through it themselves. Of all people to disclose such personal information to her, Susie? 

Susie brought her back into a hug, rubbing her lower back. 

“I know it isn’t easy. I know it isn’t an easy thing to forget about. I know how easy it is for your mind to wander to places you don’t want it to. I...I don’t know if I’m being helpful or not. Uh...u-um, mental health, it’s...it’s a bitch.”

Noelle smiled a sad smile, laughing quietly as she sniffed, wiping her eyes. 

“I-It is definitely a...a bitch.”

Susie couldn’t help but look away, laughing quietly.

“...Susie? Please don’t tell anyone.”

“What? I wouldn’t do that. I know I’m “bad”, but I wouldn’t do that.” 

Noelle looked down at her hands, fidgeting.

“Your scars are your business, as are mine. However, it…ah, how do I put this. I’m...uh, here to listen, if you need it. You don’t need to feel shame over something you’ve done. It...it’s okay to show them. Wearing sweaters when it’s sweltering is no fun. I-I mean, you can wear whatever you want! Of course. Just...just...if anyone gives you a hard time for something...something like that, tell me. I’ll kick their ass.” 

Susie’s words made Noelle smile. She looked up into Susie’s eyes. 

“Susie? I...Thank you. Thank you. I really appreciate it, I do.”

Susie nodded, pulling one of her legs up onto the bed to rest her head on her knee. 

“May I do something? Um...to thank you for lifting up my spirits?”

“You know you don’t have to do that, Noe-”

Noelle gently kissed Susie’s nose, Susie gasping as she felt her face deepen many, many shades. 

“Noelle-”

Susie looked away, hiding her face behind her hair. That’s when she noticed Noelle getting back into the pile of clothes on the floor. 

“Ah, hey...You can...sleep in your bed if you want. Sorry for stealing it from you.”

“It’s okay! I want you to have it!”

“...I-I guess I’ll reword that. We can share the b- Uh, we...you...Can we share?”

Flawless delivery. 

Noelle, who was still flushed from kissing her nose, sprung up and bounced over to dive under the covers with Susie, her nose a bright, bright red. 

“...Thanks again, Susie.”

Noelle allowed herself to wrap an arm around the stronger, taller girl, holding her tightly. Susie rolled to face her, her arm holding Noelle close to herself. 

“Any time, Noelle.”


End file.
